10. Use big words when you talk when you really don’t know the meaning of the words
If you don’t understand a word, please don’t try to impress the judge with your lack of knowledge of the English vocabulary. Just be yourself and answer the questions to the best of your ability. If you don’t understand a question, by all means, ask the questioner to repeat it until you understand what is being asked. Butchering the English language does nothing for your credibility. After all, it’s a “plea bargain” not a “flea bargain”. You may need a “restraining order” not a “training order”. And documents are notarized by a “notary republic” not a “notary republican”.
9. Leave your proof at home
If you have documentation or witnesses that are advantageous to your argument or case, by all means make sure you bring them to court. Nothing is more irritating for your attorney and for a judge but to hear over and over again “I can prove it! I’ve got the papers / pictures / recordings / witnesses, but I left them at home!”
8. Talking loudly while someone else is testifying
Keep your mouth shut during the testimony of other witnesses. Nothing is more distracting for your attorney and the court if you continually whisper in a loud stage whisper to your attorney that the person who is testifying is “nothing but a dang liar!” Let your attorney concentrate on what is happening and don’t distract the judge from the testimony by your never ending incredulous protestations of innocence or disbelief in the dishonesty of the witness.
7. Failing your drug test
You really should not be in a position to have to take a drug screen in the first place, but occasionally the issue is raised. Failing a drug screen is one of the most damaging things you can do in the eyes of some judges. The worst experience is failing a drug screen after you insist your attorney have the other party tested. If you make this request, do not be surprised if the other side asks for a drug screen as well.
6. Blame your past legal troubles on the failure of your prior attorney
Most attorneys and judges know each other outside of the courtroom. Some are friends. Although some of us may not socialize on a daily basis, there is camaraderie that develops from being in the same profession. Often attorneys get together once a month for a Bar meeting / luncheon to discuss current legal trends and topics. Therefore, judges have mutual respect for attorneys and vice versa. There is nothing to be gained by dissing your prior attorney on the stand as a way to hide your own failures and irresponsibility.
5. Slam the door on your way out of the courtroom
If the court has ruled against you in some way, you can make things even worse by storming out of the courtroom and pushing that courtroom door just a little too hard. It could lead to a free weekend getaway at your local jail.
4. Interrupting
Knock knock. Whose there? Interrupting cow. Interru-------MOOOOOOO! If you think that is obnoxious, so are the interrupting witnesses. The rules we learned in Kindergarten are still good rules.
3. Don’t be a smart on the witness stand
When you’re being questioned answer the questions truthfully and respectfully. There is no sense in making things worse by layering dripping sarcasm from your voice. And it’s also not the time to ask the other attorney questions if you think that he or she is a fool. Your job as a witness is to answer the questions put to you so the court can make a determination.
2. Dress like a slob
I once had a client show up to court arguing for the return of her children. During her argument she pleaded with the court and indicated that she no longer drank alcohol. She was an alcoholic and it was a big issue in her custody case. I didn’t get a chance to look at her very well prior to our hearing because she was late to court. After the hearing, we met out in the hall to discuss her options because her children were not returned. At that time I noticed the Budweiser T-shirt she was wearing showing the Spuds McKenzie dog and the phrase “born to party”. It never ceases to amaze me what people wear to court. Baggy pants, dirty shoes, flip-flops, shorts, halter tops, etc. This is a court of law and you should be showing the court respect otherwise you will not get respect in turn.
1. Being late to court
Nothing irritates a court more than litigants arriving late to court with some lame excuse such as I overslept, I forgot, I went to the wrong courtroom, etc. This is an important day and if your future depends upon your actions, you’ve got to be there on time.
A little common sense goes a long way….
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